Santa Claus Conspiracy Theories.. And Free Puppies


#1 Santa Doesn’t Exist

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The numbers don’t add up. Santa has 31 hours to get in and get out. This is assuming he’s traveling with the rotation of the Earth. Santa has to hit 91.8 million homes in that time span. Which means he has to travel at 650 miles per second. Now if every gift weighed only 2 pounds, then the payload of his sleigh would be 353,000 tons. Think about it; 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second would create a lot of air resistance and not to mention centrifugal force. Enough the vaporize Santa instantly. When you actually do the math, the numbers point to the truth.


#2 Santa Claus is Satan

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It all makes sense now. Santa is eternal. Santa wears red. Santa is omnipresent. also Omniscient, and Omnipotent.

#3 Reindeer eat Magic Mushrooms to Fly

This would explain a lot. No wonder grandmas are getting run over by reindeers. Also who breathalyzing santa, for all we know he’s flying around after several rounds of eggnog too.

#4 Santa is getting help from Rail Road company

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Its obvious. How else could he deliver all his gifts in one night. An ex employee of the railroad company CSX has spoken out and he tied all the loose ends.

#5 Santa is a part of the illuminati

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Christmas has always been linked to pagan holidays. The whole tradition itself is very ritualistic. Decorating a tree, putting gifts underneath it, and lighting the top with a star; it all ties into the occult and the illuminati.


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