There’s nothing that I love more than coming home at the end of the day, kicking back, and straight up vegging out in front of the television. If you’re an adult, busy slaving away at a job, sitting in traffic, growing older day after day as you forget the bliss of childhood, I’m sure you feel the same. Not much is better than having a nice moment to chill, right?
But since the invention of the television, and subsequently childhood obesity, Americans have had a singular quest: not to end childhood obesity (of course not, why would we do that?) but to elevate the vegging experience to new and greater heights! First we installed cable boxes in every home, followed by Enterprise-class satellite dishes, VCRs, DVD players, game consoles; We brave Americans bought anything we could to drown out the crushing weight of reality, right in our living rooms.
Now, the internet is in every home. Like me, you’ve probably thought, I have YouTube, right there on my TV! Who needs five hundred channels, when you have five thousand channels, each with their own brand of unique and captivating content, delivered daily. In fact, one in five Americans agree, who needs cable? Who needs anything but the delicious “free” content offered by our loving corporate masters at Google?
Want to see some gross cringe? How about world news, fresher than anything on traditional TV? How about a brutal car crash? An exploration on how H.P. Lovecraft’s racism and xenophobia influenced the horror in his work? Living in the grandest, wildest, most baffling empire since Rome has given each of us a seat in a digital Colosseum, with all the depravity and wonder a falling empire can offer. So kick back and enjoy it!